"It's all things meat, concentrated down to one strip of cured pork, and that strip functions as a middle finger to extend towards all the health cranks, stroller moms, and progressive puritans who try to prevent men from doing what they want most. Bacon is a Thai brothel on an egg plate."
"The meat is lower in fat than chicken but higher in protein than beef. There’s even an adorable neologism ('chevon') for those who want their meat to sound like a miniature Chevrolet or a member of a 1960’s girl group."
"For the first time I appreciated the strategic importance of the sesame oil–salt dip—not just because it tasted good, which it did, but because the suckers on the tentacles are still fully functional, and the coating of slippery oil prevents them from maintaining their death grip on your tongue."
"I'm waiting for the day when I can order a morel hot dog at a high school football game; that would be the ultimate fall treat."
"Once, at a restaurant called Babylon, I was served a chicken sausage that, even the waiters agreed, looked like a severed penis on a plate."